


to kiss you is like seeing the stars

by crestre



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-29 17:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20439941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crestre/pseuds/crestre
Summary: Sehun wonders why even within arm's reach, Jongin is still too far away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, please enjoy! Thank you MODS for this fest! Sorry for the grammar mistakes :(

Sehun was four years old when he learned that he was different. He speaks using actions, hands creating elaborate gestures to convey a message. The child frowns, his hearing registers a couple of sounds coming from Kim Jina. He understands the topic of their amusement—mates. In a flash, his expression changes, a thrilling sense of excitement drizzling like honey flooded him. Sehun knows what that means! Maybe if he could share what he knows about mates, he could get the other children to include him in their playtime. 

The innocent child ran excitedly towards the crowd. His little heart is thrumming with adrenaline, the thrill—Sehun muses—is akin to the anticipation he gets when his father promises that he would bring him a toy when he comes home. His mother would then watch in amusement each time his expression would morph into that of delight. Sehun’s smile turning brighter and brighter as the hours pass by. 

He came into a halt upon reaching the swingset where Jina and her group of friends are chatting animatedly. Sehun caught the eyes of Baekhyun who regarded him with confusion, head tilting a bit. The former tapped Jina’s shoulder, offering a small wave of the hand as a greeting. 

Sehun raises his right hand and folds his thumb on his palm before tapping his chin twice. After clasping his hands together, he tilted his head. “What are you talking about?” 

His mouth formed a pout when everybody just stared at him blankly then he remembered that doing a head tilt to signify a question is not enough for some. Holding his finger up, he drew a question mark in the air, hoping that the other pups would finally understand what he meant. 

“What are you—a freak?!” Kihyun screamed, pushing him on the shoulders harshly. He toppled to the ground, wincing when his hand scraped the rough ground. Sehun roamed his eyes to the people circling around him, there is an unwanted warmth creeping in his chest and his eyes started to well up. He feels so small and unwelcome. This is an unknown area to him, for he had never been in this situation before. 

Sehun burst into tears, small sobs coming out of him. “Look at him,” Taejin screamed, his tone condescending. He felt like a spectacle—an ugly one, the kind that is meant for people to laugh at—with all the attention directed to him. 

Just as Sehun was about to give up, the crowd parted and along with it came a voice, “Stop it!” His eyebrows furrowed when he saw the crowd gathered around him earlier dispersing, sprinting away from them. He let out a breath that he did not know he was holding before lifting his head in curiosity to snatch a glimpse at the man who saved his life. 

“_Who is this guy? _” He asked himself. The said person offered him a kind smile. He sat down a little and Sehun witnessed the kindest smile he has ever seen. Suddenly, he does not feel so small anymore. He glanced at the kind stranger’s companions, his eyes widened when he recognized Baekhyun. There was another kid, but Sehun was too focused on the latter to even care. 

“Oh, no! Don’t be scared, it was Baekhyun who called us,” the stranger grinned and ruffled his hair when he stopped scrambling away from them. “I am Minseok, by the way,” he introduced while helping Sehun dust off his pants. He gestured a shy thank you, holding his hand close to his lips before moving it forward to Minseok’s direction. The former stared at his friends in question before quickly turning back to him. 

“This is Baekhyun and that one over there,” he pointed at the third person whom he ignored before, “That’s Jongdae, and I think we are going to be mates!” He reported enthusiastically. 

At the mention of ‘mates’, Sehun automatically beamed, clasping his hands together before pointing at Minseok and Jongdae. “Mates?”

Once again, the three looked at each other, puzzlement evident in their faces. Sehun pursed his lips, a little bit dispirited—if nobody could understand him, nobody is going to be his friend! 

“Oh, I have a pen and a paper here,” Baekhyun whispered, a little bit unsure because Sehun was just scared of him awhile ago. 

“Okay,” Jongdae said, “do you know how to write?” Sehun nodded at that question. Eagerness apparent with the way he inclined and dipped his head repeatedly. “Good! Can you tell… write down your name for us?” 

Sehun held the pen carefully as its tip grazed the white paper in precision—well, as precise as a four-year-old could be. He remembers the strokes, of course. After all, Sehun’s mother praised him for learning it quite well. Proudly, he held the paper up for them to read. Their eyes lit up in understanding upon reading what he wrote. 

“Hi, Sehun!” Minseok greeted brightly. The child smiled in response, waving his hand excitedly because finally, he found some friends and he won’t be alone anymore. 

Later that night, during dinner, his mother asked him about his day. Sehun gestured animatedly and his eyes conveyed of joy, it crinkled at the sides and for his mother, it reminded her of the crescent moon. Oh Jinri adores and loves her son more than anything, even her life. 

Sehun’s story reached the point where Kihyun called him a freak. All the activities at the dining table came to a halt. The little child directed his attention to his parents and inclined his head to the side in wonder. It does not come as a surprise that they took the news of Sehun’s disability rather harshly, they were in denial, to say the least. 

When Sehun was a baby, Oh Jinri cried at night while staring at her child’s sleeping form. His mate, Oh Jaehyuk, would encase her in a protective embrace and although her heart remained sorrowful, the comfort of her mate’s arms never failed to get her through the night. 

It used to break her heart, each time she is reminded that her son would never be able to live his life as normal and as carefree as the other children could. But as she stares at him, Oh Jinri knows that a lot is in store for him. She is certain—a mother wolf’s instincts is rarely wrong—that Sehun is blessed by the goddess herself. 

There were tears in her eyes when she told Sehun how much he loves him, and that he is different in a special way. “You are different, Sehun, but you are loved and beautiful. Do not be angry at the people who are cruel to you, pity them for they are ignorant and they do not know kindness. Your heart is too generous for this world and it has so much love, more than anyone can offer.” She wiped his tears, but they were flowing uncontrollably. The sight of his mother crying broke his heart, it was the first time he experienced this amount of pain. 

“Someday, you will find people who will accept you for who you are. Your heart will be broken, but you will always have them. Cherish them well, Sehun. They know what true love and kindness is, and you are that… and even more.”

“Have you heard?” Baekhyun inquired while they are on their way home. The weather had been favorable for the past few days. Warmth enveloped the city gently. The breeze was light and the coolness of the wind was unlike the harsh winds in the winter that cut like splinters. 

“What?” Sehun signed back. Over the years, his friends whom he found 15 years ago have learned to adapt with his disability. They have become familiar with Sehun’s gestures and facial expressions that they could pick up his thoughts easily. 

“Oh, the army general would transfer his post here. I am not sure why, though.” His forehead creased and his eyebrows danced along with it. There is a pout decorating his lips and Sehun could not help but chortle at the sight. 

As if on cue, Baekhyun immediately turned his head on Sehun, the sides of his lips tugged upward in delight. Although he is mute, Sehun knows that he can make a few, small sounds such that when he laughs, he lets out puffs of air that carry a bit of a resonance. “You have a very beautiful voice, Sehun. Someday, I hope to hear it.” The younger could only bump his shoulder to the other in response. 

Sehun could vividly recall the day when Jongdae and Minseok found out that they are, indeed, mates. He was headed towards Jongdae’s house to celebrate his 16th birthday. Minseok made an attempt to hide his nerves, but he and Baekhyun could tell from the way he would expel a huge sigh every now and then. They understand him, of course. 

All his life, the elder believed that he and Jongdae would be mates, but nothing had been official until now. Sehun sincerely hopes that his friends would be each other’s happily ever after, but then again, there is also a part of him that is curious on how this whole soulbonding subject work. 

“Oh, goddess,” Minseok muttered which rendered Baekhyun’s hand frozen mid-knock. “What if… What if we are not mates? What am I going to do?” Sehun and Baekhyun stared at each other in understanding. Minseok has only ever loved Jongdae hence it would be an utter tragedy if things do not go as planned today. 

“We know, Minseok hyung. It’s hard, but regardless of what will happen today, you will still be a part of each other’s lives,” Baekhyun assured. Watching this exchange, amusement washes over him. The tables have turned, Minseok has always been the one who is more put together and it’s quite… entertaining to witness him lose his wits. 

Still, Sehun reached onto Minseok’s hand to offer comfort. “Nothing would change,” he signed. “This is your life. You own it. The only path that will ever matter is the one you choose.” 

Minseok promptly found his way to Jongdae. The latter displayed a smile, it expressed his nervousness but it was also a promise of a future that they will stay with each other regardless of what the outcome of today would be. They whispered “I love you” at the same time. Soon after, a mark appeared on their wrist, the words they just uttered to each other were engraved neatly, decorating their skin and sealing their forever. 

“Hey, guys!” Minseok welcomed, beckoning them towards him. His father is a high-ranking official of their town, so naturally, he would be here. “Have you seen the army general?” He gestures his head subtly, pointing somewhere behind Sehun. The newcomers followed and they could effortlessly spot the subject of their conversation. How could they not? 

The aura that the army general exudes is hard to miss. The amount of dominant pheromones hovering in the air rendered him and Baekhyun on edge. Jongdae is lucky, for he has already found his alpha. Although he would still be affected, it would not be as severe. 

“Minseok!” Their attention snapped towards the source of the voice. He shared a look with Baekhyun and the latter simply gave him an encouraging nod. 

“Father,” Minseok addressed politely before shaking hands with the army general. Sehun’s gaze fluttered towards the latter’s companion. He was young, Sehun could confidently say that. The other lad carried a similar air of confidence, but it was much more dangerous. The younger averted his gaze when he was met with the challenging orbs of the… stranger. 

Sehun could not do anything about the blush that spread across his cheeks, decorating his pale skin with a pink hue. The stranger has features that would leave people on their knees. His angled jaw is as precise and sharp as the most threatening hunting knife. Those lips screamed of lies and broken promises. It is akin to a sin that one would commit over and over again. 

He was woken up from his reverie when he felt a nudge on his side. Annoyed, he delivered a glare in Baekhyun’s direction, but the other motioned pointedly towards something in front of him and that is when he registered the stranger’s outstretched hand. 

“Oh,” Sehun mouthed. Flustered, he extended his hand in return and without meaning to, his eyes encountered the stranger’s gaze once again. Sehun gulped, retrieving his hand quickly. 

“Hi, I’m Kim Jongin,” He nodded, unsure what to say. “Your name is?” Sehun glanced at Baekhyun, his eyes conveying desperation. His voice was light, words rolling effortlessly from his tongue like musical notes coming from a piano. 

“Oh…” Baekhyun coughed. “His name is Sehun and he is mute, so he can’t… talk.” Jongin’s stare was calculating and it made Sehun squirmish. His eyes expressed waves of emotion—each surge is unique but still as heavy as the others—but Sehun could decipher none of them. It spoke of something, but they are mere whispers, muffled by a veil of mystery. 

The younger stepped back, opting to stand behind Minseok. Lowering his head, he gasped when he noticed something. On his left wrist, a string of letters was inked. The strokes were neat and meticulous like engravings in a gold plaque. His heart was thumping both in anxiety and anticipation. 

The tattoo read, “Hi, I’m Kim Jongin.” 

See, due to Sehun’s disability, the entire soulmate schema is not the same for him. He recalls a day many moons ago when he had cried a river to his mother. It was upon the realization that his soulmate would never recognize him. 

Oh Jinri knew that there was no use for sugarcoating her words, for they would still hurt Sehun regardless of how she euphemizes them. She explained that his soulmate would dream of him in a vision, that in a dire situation, something that threads between life and death, Sehun’s soulmate would come to save him. 

Sehun hid his hands inside his pocket, his nails digging unkindly against his palm. 

Jongin stares at Sehun’s tense figure retreating away from him. He wonders why the omega’s scent lingers in the air, lulling him to insanity. The alpha is on edge, his jaw constantly clenching and unclenching. He grits his teeth harshly as another onslaught of that sickeningly sweet scent attacks him. 

* * *

A nighttime stroll has always been one of Sehun’s favorite activities. He relishes in the calmness of the night as well as the sky above him. The stars are twinkling like diamonds scattered carelessly in a dark blanket. His eyes fluttered to a close as a tender breeze brushed softly against his skin. 

He remembers the sunset awhile ago. It made him smile for he has always been fascinated with sunsets and night skies. Sometimes, sunsets would paint the sky with a splash of blue. The soft hue would smoothly change into a light pink, and the clouds would have the same color. At times, it resembles all the colors of the flame. The sky appears to be burning in those days, it turns every single thing in land as mere silhouettes, mimicking the shadows of the night. 

A soft, muffled crackling sound made Sehun step. He has heard this before, it was similar to stepping on dried leaves and grass. Even though he is alone, fear is something that does not come easy to him. Their pack is guarded heavily plus the arrival of the army general would bring more security to their territory. 

The moon and the silence heightened his hearing. He heard a deep baritone voice that reminded Sehun of velvet and honey. “Shhh,” the man’s voice was husky, and it awakened something in him, “someone might hear us.”

Sehun snapped his head, detecting the source of the noise. He gasped upon deciphering Jongin’s figure pressed closely against another. 

What he saw left a bitter taste in his mouth—jealousy, he presumes. It is similar to a sandy, black liquid that flows viscously from his mouth down to his throat. 

_ Poison. _

Sehun wonders how Jongin could make heartbreaks so wonderfully enticing

The boy stepped back before anyone… before Jongin could hear him. Amidst the tranquility of the night, Sehun found his heart in chaos. This is where he finally understands why the sky is dark at night

Because this is what darkness feels like—void, loneliness, and isolation.

“You were watching us last night, aren’t you?” Sehun froze, every drop of calmness departing his body. He turned to meet the owner of the voice, shaking his head abruptly. 

“Don’t lie to me,” Jongin threatens, his voice thick and intimidating. It sends a warning, a flashing red light that speaks of an onslaught, a catastrophe. “I sensed you. I smelled you.” He accused, taking a step closer with every word that he utters. 

Sehun opened his mouth in an attempt to explain. With the knowledge that it is futile, he resorted to shaking his head vigorously—a foolish thing to do for someone who wishes to prove his innocence. 

“Liar,” Jongin glared at him. The alpha walked away. Sehun exhaled a breath he did not know he was holding. 

Sehun inclines his head to the side in confusion. Baekhyun has been staring at him weirdly ever since they finished lunch. A frown marred his best friend’s face along with a crease in his forehead. 

“What’s wrong?” He inquired when he could not stand it any longer. Baekhyun huffed in indignance. 

“Do you like Jongin?” There was no beating around the bush, it was a straightforward question which obviously took Sehun by surprise. He opened his mouth in an attempt to deny Baekhyun’s allegations, but the older omega was quick. 

“Don’t lie to me!” Baekhyun warned pointedly, his hands perched atop his waist in an intimidating stance. “I saw you staring at him all the time during lunch!”

“What’s going on?” A new voice entered, halting their argument altogether. It was Jongdae and on his side is his alpha mate.

“Sehun has a crush on Jongin, huh?” The eldest remarked, his tone full of amusement and the glint in his eyes is teasing. 

“It’s not funny! Jongin is a playboy who sleeps around! What would his mate say if he or she finds out about that?!” 

“Chill, Baek,” Minseok snickered, holding his hands up in mock defense. “It’s probably just a harmless crush. Right, Sehun?”

The three wolves centered their attention on him, anticipation written on their faces. The youngest gulped, taking a step backwards. 

“Hun?” Jongdae called. “Is there anything wrong?” Out of panic, Sehun took another step back, hiding his right forearm behind his back, but Baekhyun quickly picked up the gesture. It has always been a fascinating trait—well, it used to be. 

The said omega approached Sehun and grabbed the hand he was hiding. The mark on his wrist was a glaring red light, one has to be blind to not notice the contrast between the black ink and Sehun’s fair skin. The three gasped collectively and albeit futile, Sehun still hid his forearm from his friends. 

“S-Sehun, y-you—“ Minseok stuttered, all sense of coherence leaving him. 

Sehun shook his head desperately, his left hand clutching tightly around his wrist, covering the area where the tattoo is inked. With a shaky breath, he brought a finger on his lips. They understood what he meant, of course. After all, his disability did not hinder his eyes from mirroring his heart. Right at that moment, they were pleading and glistening with unshed tears.

For someone such as Sehun, college seems to be a fleeting dream, as it is undeniable that the society that he lives in is centered to cater the able-bodied majority. It goes without saying that discrimination is still rampant and majority still treat people like him as second class citizens. 

But then again, he has always been a fighter. For years, Sehun has managed to overcome the adversities, doubts, and insults thrown in his way. Of course, he would never have done it without his family and his friends as well as the people who support him. The young omega still prides himself for the lessons that he has learned while facing different challenges. 

“What do you mean they would not end happily?” Baekhyun’s high pitched accusation caught the attention of the people inside the cafe. The younger bumped his knees to the other omega rather harshly. He elicits a hiss. “I did not raise you to be like this, Oh Sehun!” 

“It is just a story, hyung,” the said man signs while casually typing something away at his laptop. Well, in reality, Baekhyun is just being dramatic. 

At the back of his mind, he can decipher the shorter omega’s voice claiming, “I swear, I was bleeding so much that I thought I was going to die.” This happened ages ago and to set the record straight, Baekhyun did not bleed that much for him to exaggerate _ that muc _h. He was there, he saw what happened, and it was honestly nothing much, but Baekhyun made it sound like a plot from Percy Jackson or The Fast and The Furious.

“Exactly!” Baekhyun gestured in exasperation. “This is why it should end happily! You have a chance to create a happy ending.”

“I am!” The wild motion of his hands suggests his defensive stance. “They do not need to end up together for it to be a happy ending!” If Sehun could scream right now, he definitely would do it in Baekhyun’s ear. 

“What’s a happy ending for if they don’t live happily ever after?”

“We do not live in a world of reciprocity, hyung. Just because you want or worked hard for something, it does not mean that it will be given to you. That’s why, more than love and forgiveness, acceptance is a vital thing. Love is not the sole key to one’s happiness—acceptance is also.” 

Baekhyun gaped at him before closing his mouth. The sun filters softly through the blinds creating geometric shadows on the other omega’s skin. Baekhyun has always been one of the prettiest omegas in their pack and he is also a kind person. Sometimes, Sehun could not help but think how lucky Baekhyun’s mate would be. 

“You have really grown a lot, Sehun. You are right: happy endings don’t always happen in the way we expect them to.” 

* * *

“Hun,” Baekhyun whispered, apprehension apparent in his voice. The older omega’s eyes are trained somewhere and not on him. Out of instinct, Sehun followed Baekhyun’s line of vision and his breath hitched. Panic easily consumed him upon the sight of Minseok on the way to their table with Jongin. His wolf has already recognized Jongin as its mate, of course, so his bodily reactions only make the whole ordeal worse than it already is. 

“I’m sorry,” Minseok, mouthed towards him and Sehun could only nod in response. Their vast school cafeteria seems too suffocating for Sehun now. The buzzing and the chattering noises of the people around him are slowly dying down and all Sehun could hear is a static, a loud pitched noise that is as painful as silence. 

“Hi,” Minseok began, eyes roaming around and detecting the uneasiness in their expressions. He coughs, “Guys, this is Jongin…” 

Baekhyun frowns upon deciphering Sehun’s emotion. He directs a stare towards Minseok which the latter immediately understands. 

“Well, we just wanted to drop by and greet. That’s all.” Sehun could sense the annoyance radiating from Jongin. His throat tightened at that.

“What was that?” Baekhyun demanded. After they parted ways, Sehun’s demeanor easily changed. One could easily perceive how tense he is and it would not take a genius to know that something is deeply bothering him. 

“I just thought I should let them meet!” Minseok responded defensively. In that moment, their statuses as an alpha and omega don’t matter. Baekhyun’s protective aura is emanating in waves and the other could not blame him for he is aware how shielding Baekhyun could be when it comes to Sehun. After all, it is an instinct for an omega to take care of his or her pups.

“You just thought?!” Baekhyun shrieked. “We all know Sehun’s still not comfortable about this! It does not help that Jongin is a pompous dick who sleeps around!” Minseok winces.

“I know, I know! But Jongin’s wolf seem to recognize Sehun that’s why I brought him there,” Minseok explained out of exasperation. It was clear that it was not his intention to let it out in the first place, but as expected, the revelation did its trick of halting Baekhyun litany. 

“What do you mean?” His hair pliant to the wind, following where the gentle breeze goes. The setting sun is casting an orange glow over their features. They are at the small junction connecting the street to Sehun’s residence to theirs. 

“Jongin asked me if something is wrong about Sehun,” he paused, gauging Baekhyun’s reaction. “Baek, not that kind of wrong, don’t worry. He said that something is wrong with Sehun’s scent. According to him, it puts him on edge and he does not like it.” 

“Oh… He said that?” Baekhyun asked in disbelief before inclining his head to the side as if he realized something. “Why were you with him a while ago, anyway?”

“That… Well, his father heard about his escapades.” Baekhyun made a face. “He wanted to discipline Jongin and he gave him to me…”

“To babysit…” Baekhyun supplied flatly and frankly speaking? Minseok did not appreciate how blunt that was.

“Yes,” he exhales. “I gave him some chores, though because how else am I going to instill discipline in him. I assigned him to clean that old training building. The army general wants to start a training camp for young pups. Nothing too serious you know? Just a bit of strengtheni—”

“Minseok, where did you say you assigned Jongin to?” His voice held a level of urgency despite the quietness of it. 

“In that old training building…” He answered carefully. 

“In that old training building… which is close to Sehun’s house?” Baekhyun supplied once again effectively silencing the alpha. 

“Oh, shit.” 

Sehun walked in an unhurried pace, relishing the sounds of nature—the collective rustling of leaves and the chirping of the birds. The sun filters ever so slightly through the prosperous leaves of these large trees, creating rays of light amidst the shadowed surroundings. 

He continued to observe the scenery in front of him while tightening his hold on the strap of his school bag. Growing up, he has always valued nature due to his wolf lineage. The short walks he has on his way home has been a constant source of solace, the type that can be found alone. 

Everything came to a halt, however, upon hearing a splash. Instinctively, the omega took a step back in precaution. He waits for a few seconds for something—anything. Tentatively, he sauntered to where he heard the sound. 

The old training house seemed to appear as it did before, its paint job is slowly fading and some parts have already peeled off. The tables in front of the structure remained the same as well, but something was different. One of the tables had a black duffel bag on top of it. Sehun went closer out of curiosity, He regrets his actions altogether upon realizing who owns the things perched innocently on one of the tables and perhaps, the same person who created the splash. 

Sehun gapes at the sight of Jongin’s back muscles rippling and stretching in a taunting manner. His posture and aura screams dominance and authority like nothing else. It had him trembling. The scent around the area is overpowering and calming. It is lulling Sehun into submission. 

He changes his stance in the hopes of balancing himself better but accidentally, he steps on a fallen twig. The crack resounds even more loudly than normal. Jongin immediately growls in defense. Sehun steps back.

“What are you doing here?” Jongin demands with authority. In spite of the roughness in his voice, Sehun could not help but notice how his tone is not as hostile as the one he used in their previous meeting. But what is Sehun supposed to answer that with? More importantly, how? He does not want to make a fool out of himself by making an attempt. Roaming his eyes around, he bit his lower lip, contemplating how to deal with this… unlikely situation. 

Sehun scrunched his face in frustration. It went on for a couple of seconds before he thought of an idea. Impatiently, he fumbled for his phone and raised it up, a sort of question asking Jongin is this is alright with him. The aforesaid nodded and the omega took a step closer. Sehun could feel his insides quivering and he wonders if the alpha could notice his effect on his wolf. 

Braving the storm, he walked towards the alpha, stopping when they are mere ten steps from each other. The omega operated on his phone for a little while. He typed “I am on my way home…” and read it a couple of times before showing it to the alpha. 

Jongin stepped closer and Sehun has to force himself to not retreat. He wonders if Jongin could feel their connection, if the alpha could feel his skin prickling when he is around. It is a wistful concept and Sehun knows that it is far from happening. 

The sunlight seeps better in Jongin’s new position. It casts a solitary ray on his figure, earning him a spotlight. It makes his golden tan more prominent and accentuates his muscled figure. Sehun think that like this, Jongin is the most beautiful person to ever exist. He resembles a god, for this kind of beauty could not be just a mere human. 

The alpha took the phone from Sehun’s grasp and trained his eyes on the screen. “Oh,” he whispered. “That’s your house?” He nudged at the general direction of his house. Promptly, Sehun nodded. There’s a part of him that is reluctant to have this conversation. Jongin handed him the gadget back. Their fingers brushed, his skin tingled in pleasure eliciting a gasp from him. 

“Do you always go home alone?” The alpha asked, his tone laced with worry. Sehun’s heart fluttered, cheeks burning and warm, but he dipped his head anyway because it’s true—he always goes home alone. The alpha frowned, conflict reigning over his features. Sehun ponders about the reason behind that face. Did he say something wrong? He asks himself, running his hand smoothly to the strands of hair falling over his eyes. 

“Don’t you get scared?” Sehun inclined his head at the question, indicating his confusion. “I mean, you barely have neighbors? What if something bad happens?” Jongin stopped and his jaw clenched. The alpha looked away. The sudden tenseness of Jongin’s shoulders worried Sehun. An urge within pushes him to comfort his alpha. 

“No, don’t… worry. My father is a trained soldier. He can protect us.” Jongin nodded sternly upon reading Sehun’s reply. 

To add, he touched his thumb on his forehead and wriggled his fingers then gestured to himself. After that, he closed his fists then flexed his arms in front of his body before moving both arms forward at the same time. “My father is strong,” he signed proudly. 

“What… What do you mean?” 

“Oh,” Sehun realized and before he could stop himself, he grabbed his phone from Jongin’s grip rather harshly. Afraid that he has offended the alpha, Sehun sends a sheepish smile, but the other merely raised his eyebrows at him. After a couple of seconds, the omega gives the gadget back to Jongin. 

“Oh, this was what you meant a while ago?” The alpha inquired, his tone was serious and sincere, as if this is something that is of importance to him, something he holds close. Jongin pauses. “Can you… can you teach me… how to… understand sign language?” 

_ your name is the melody i sing. every rhythm, _

_ every beat tells a story of how i can and will love you _

_ in so many different ways—only if you'll let me. _

_ only if you'll let me. _

_ but you never, not even once, heard me. _

_ the longing agony to hold your hands, _

_ to rest in the bliss of your arms. _

_ every night, i cry your name to the moon, _

_ she blesses me with tears because like me, _

_ she agonizes for the love she will never have. _

  
_ i sing for you, but it's always somebody else's voice you hear._


	2. Chapter 2

“Sehun, wait!” Jongin complained, clasping Sehun’s arms in a light grip. “Go slower, I can’t understand!” 

The omega smiled teasingly, a little bit mocking in Jongin’s opinion. Sehun closes his right hand in a fist and places it atop his flattened left hand. “It’s your fault!” The omega’s eyes crinkle at the sides and his face glows like a blooming flower blessed by the sunlight. 

“How is it my fault?”

It has been months since their first encounter in the old training building. Evidently, their relationship has blossomed into something else, something akin to twiddling vines entwining together. Sehun wonders if this is because of their bond as mates, or if it is an entirely different thing. He does not know, however, whichever he prefers between the two. 

“You are such a slowpoke, that’s why!” Sehun laughs heartily at Jongin’s confused face which slowly morphed into that of annoyance upon understanding the younger’s message. The alpha thinks Sehun blends so easily, but the younger is also a splash of colors, an amalgam of contrasting and complementing hues. 

Sehun is every color in the spectrum, Jongin muses. All the tints and hues or highlights and shades. Sometimes, he looks around and the splashes remind him of Sehun, how his eyes are a blinding yellow when he smiles, or how his lips are the prettiest shade of pink he has ever laid his eyes upon. 

He sighs. 

“Your mate would be so lucky to hear your voice, do you know that?” Sehun halts like a deer caught in the headlights. The younger’s mouth quivers, subtly hiding right wrist, but Jongin isn’t the son of the army general for nothing. It does not help that Sehun always has a band of cloth that conceals his right wrist. 

The younger inclines his head to the side, giving away his puzzlement. “Do you realize that only your mate could hear your voice?” Sehun taps his right pointing finger on his lips then points it to Jongin before drawing a question mark in the air. “Really?”

Sehun has a doleful flare in his orbs. Jongin thinks this is the absence of colors, dull and monochromatic. It spoke of longing and pain, telling stories of forlorn hope. “Do you,” Sehun starts to sign, a bit hesitant, “do you think my mate would love my voice?” He wonders why even within arm’s reach, Jongin is still too far away. 

Sehun stares and wonders why people still long for someone that they cannot have. The words sit at the top of his tongue, but even if he lets them out, would his alpha be able to hear him? 

Jongin nods, pondering whether he should add something. “I think,” he wets his lips, “I think I would give just about everything to hear your voice.” 

It’s true. Jongin spends more time thinking about Sehun than he cares to admit. He wonders if his voice is as beautiful as him, wonders about that beauty mark on his cheek that seems to compliment his flawless skin so well, or how Sehun’s eyes would change into a light brown color each time the sun rays would hit his face at just the right angle and then suddenly, he is glowing. It’s all kinds of unfair how Sehun could just sit there and he could still render Jongin breathless. 

Jongin thinks that Sehun resembles the night sky. He blinks and breathes in deep, suddenly overwhelmed by thoughts of Sehun. 

_Sehun. Sehun. Sehun._

His mind chants like a mantra, as if Sehun is a prayer. There is a question lingering in his mind if Sehun really is a wolf because he remains clueless up to this moment about why for him, Sehun resembles the stars. How he shines, how he seems so unreachable or how his beauty, his eyes, and his laughter could easily bring light to his days. 

Jongin gulps, allowing himself to let his thought venture farther. They have always been there… at the back of mind, he just refuses to entertain them. 

But they are there.

Like shadows waiting to be acknowledged. 

He breathes in and everything shatters in front of him because just now, he couldn’t stop his thoughts from running away. This is the point of no return, he muses wryly, because just now, he imagined how wonderful it would feel to have Sehun’s lips against his. It was him mindlessly dreaming, but for a brief moment, he wonders if kissing Sehun is the same as kissing the stars. 

That night Jongin dreams of a line of trees and the sun filtering through the crown of leaves, creating spots of light on the uncemented road. The vision is so vivid, so detailed that Jongin could smell the earth and feel the gentle breeze. 

Then he spots someone. The person is running away, his lithe figure is familiar in his eyes and his touches. He vaguely recalls the moments when he had been given the privilege to hold that body close, inhaling a sweet scent that is reminiscent of flowers and milk. Suddenly, he is running after the person, but the other seems so hellbent on running away.

“Sehun!” He hears someone say. The voice kept on shouting and shouting, desperation was evident with the way that the voice sounds, as he watches Sehun’s figure getting smaller and smaller until he could not see it anymore. 

“Sehun! No!” He jolts awake, sweat coating his forehead. The beating in his chest is a consistent and quick pounding. Jongin places a hand on top of his heart, his nails digging on his bare skin. There is an ugly feeling creeping in him that is similar to anxiety and longing. It forebodes something dark, as if danger is lurking somewhere waiting for a prey to devour. 

_ The old training building is empty _, Sehun thought, a frown marring his face. He reaches out for his phone in his pocket and checks the time—thirty minutes past five. He usually comes here before five, so did Jongin leave already?

To jongnini:

where r u :< did u leave already? 

Out of nowhere, Sehun feels a ghost of lips fleetingly caressing the shell of his ear and pair of strong arms encasing him against an equally firm chest. “Boo!” The omega shrieks—the smallest and slightest high-pitched sound escaping his throat—and he jumps in shock, his hands flailing around messily.

“Jongin!” He mouths, despite knowing the other wouldn’t hear him. The omega hits the other’s forearm repeatedly, but the tightness of the hold doesn’t falter. Sehun hears a boom of laughter, a vibrant sound reverberating in the air. 

It dies down not a minute after, but the alpha’s arms remains around him. Sehun also ceased hitting the alpha and they share a few moments of solitude. Jongin pulled him closer, he relishes at the sensation of Jongin’s lips brushing lightly at the crook of his neck. Despite the warmth enveloping his heart, Sehun could not prevent the downward tug on his lips, for this is exactly what Jongin does when something is bothering him. 

_ “Jongin, please calm down,” Sehun implored, hand resting on Jongin’s chest to stop him from pacing back and forth. _

_ “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let that bastard do that to you?” The alpha snaps, enraged. He has just witnessed Sehun getting bullied by Kihyun and if not for the omega’s pleas, Jongin would have sent Kihyun flying to the hospital. He inwardly grimaces with all the blood he could have had the misfortune of seeing. _

_ “It doesn’t matter,” he signs. “Just calm down, will you?” _

_ “It doesn’t—what the fuck?!” Jongin seethes, eyes blazing like hot lava. Sehun comes closer even though he knows that he might get incinerated. He cups Jongin’s face, staring directly at him, as if asking the alpha to look at him, just focus on him. _

_ It seemed to do the trick, Jongin stops and leaves the reigns to Sehun. The alpha sighs, dropping his head at the crook of Sehun’s neck and the omega’s hands automatically fly to his nape, caressing his skin softly in a calming manner. _

_ Jongin pulls Sehun closer, “I’m sorry for scaring you,” he whispers, dropping the lightest kiss on Sehun’s skin, almost as if the omega just imagined Jongin’s lips being there. _

He turns around and the alpha’s hold loosens, but the arm remains firm on his waist. “Is something wrong?” Sehun signs, his hands are resting on either sides of Jongin’s shoulder. The omega failed to notice their proximity, how their toes are already touching and that in the perspective of the people outside their little bubble, their position is too intimate. 

“I’m okay,” Jongin replies, squeezing his waist lightly, “but you would tell me if something is not okay, right? Like… anything?” Sehun nods, eagerly conveying his reassurance. “There goes my peace of mind…” 

The omega nudged him playfully. 

“As long as I am here, I will always protect you. Remember that.” Sehun nods, throat heavy and thick with words that are left unsaid.

“I don’t mean to pry, Hun, but have you told Jongin already?” Sehun stares at Baekhyun and pauses. The table shares among them a similar look, their care towards the youngest brought about a common feeling: apprehension. 

“It’s okay,” Jongdae assures in a light tone. Sehun roams his eyes around, observing the expressions of his companions. He nips on his lip, eyes lowering to the ground. 

It’s not okay. He knows that, but he could not just spring up the mate thing to Jongin, could he? 

His dilemma carries a certain degree of unfairness. While it may seem that he is fooling his alpha by obscuring the truth, his position in this entire ordeal isn’t exactly promising. 

“He talks about you a lot, did you know?” Minseok breaks the silence. He chews heartily on his Gyudon, appearing unbothered with the prickliness of the issue. However, Sehun knows better. 

Sehun smiles, eyes crinkling at the sides and forming little lines of crescent. “Stop teasing, hyung!” He signs, chastising the older. 

“I’m serious! I love you, Hun, and you know that, but Jongin, somehow, always manages to say “Sehunnie” in every sentence. I have no idea what’s happening in his head.” The omega ducks his head in response, seeking to hide the soft pink hue invading his pale cheeks. 

“Oh, by the way,” he starts again, “did something happen?” Sehun shook his head, lips unconsciously jutting out in the process. 

“That’s weird. Jongin seemed bothered yesterday and he kept on asking me if somebody was messing with you again.” Minseok pauses, eyes sharp and calculating. “But no one did, right?”

Sehun pursed his lips in doubt. “He asked the same thing yesterday when we met at the old training building.” 

“It must be the mate bond,” Jongdae quipped absentmindedly before freezing, as if some revelation has been thrown into his face. Minseok wore the same expression, conflict reigned over his features. 

“The what?” Baekhyun demanded. 

“Oh… You know, they are m-mates,” Minseok replied. Sehun noticed how Jongdae squeezed his alpha’s thighs as well as their tensed smiles. 

“Jongdae, you are being weird again!” Baekhyun exclaimed, but Sehun does not think so. The couple is definitely hiding something. 

“Nothing bad will happen to Sehun, right?” 

Minseok stared at his mate, taking in Jongdae’s troubled expression. He stays quiet, refusing to give a response because as much as he wants to assure his mate that nothing would go wrong, the alpha is not sure of that. He doesn’t know what prompted Jongin to ask those questions, but one thing is definite right now: they could mean nothing and anything. They would find out—perhaps, not now—in the near future. 

* * *

“So,” Jongin prompts, plopping down on the space beside Sehun. Proximity was a barrier they have long overcome. Well, Sehun used to get all flustered and tensed with having Jongin too close, but with time, he has grown acquainted with having the alpha close. “I haven’t asked you this before, but what do you think your mate would be like?”

Sehun sputtered. The bread he had been eating went into the wrong pipe. “Why are you asking me that all of a sudden?” He signed furiously. 

“Why am I asking…” Jongin trailed. 

Sehun slapped the alpha’s arm in a playful manner while glaring at him. It held no bite, however. “But seriously, tell me if you already found yours, okay?” The omega giggled lightly, eyes full of mirth and mischief. _ It’s you, dumbass. _

“You haven’t answered my question,” Jongin brings up, trying to sound nonchalant. They are currently resting on a slope near the old training building. Who would have known that this… boring abandoned building would become one of his favorite places? The grass prickles Sehun’s palm faintly and occasionally, he flutters his hands across, relishing the little pinpricks he gets from the tips of the grass. 

"Would you want someone like me, Jongin."

The omega stared at him. His orbs held hesitance and mystery, hinting about a secret, a revelation of sorts. Jongin is tempted to unveil, to unleash whatever the omega is hiding. The younger diverts his eyes away from him. “I don’t think my mate would want me,” he replies truthfully. He signs unhurriedly, as if admitting his thoughts is a burden that is a feat to carry.

Jongin whips his head rather quickly, almost to the point of a whiplash. “Why would you say that?!” His tone is menacing, daring Sehun to speak of that again. His eyes spoke of anger like an arrow that is being held so far back and the omega is the trigger for it to launch. 

The younger shaped his hands into a fist-like form. He moves it backwards to his lips. “I’m mute,” he gestured, sighing softly. There are tears threatening to fall at the sides of his eyes, but Jongin thinks that they could still outshine all of the stars combined. “I just… don’t think—,” he continues, but the alpha interrupts him.

“Anyone who refuses to be with you is a foolish bastard. You are so much more than your disability, and you know that.” Jongin fires. Sehun knows that if he ever tries to disagree, he would be a casualty of the alpha’s rage. 

“I know that; we both do,” he replies calmly, reaching out to Jongin. Sehun clutches the older’s hand for a brief second before letting go. “But some people have a hard time accepting something,” he pauses, licking his lips, “or someone who is different from what they are accustomed to.”

“Then the goddess made a mistake,” the alpha replied, voice low and almost like a growl. “She made a mistake for pairing you with someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

“Would you…” Sehun starts tentatively. He gnaws on his lips, unsure whether he would carry on or not. “If you were my mate, would you want me?”

_ i will hold you even though you were never and will never be mine. _

_ still, please allow me to hold you, fill the gaps of your fingers with mine. _

_ let me see, how perfect our hands fit together. _

_ drown me in the dream where your hands belong to mine, _

_ bring me to a universe where it is i who is holding your hand. _

“If you were my mate, would you want me?”

_ Yes. _ He responds in his mind. 

The words sits at the tip of his tongue much like an arrow waiting to be released. 

_ What? _ Jongin asked himself, quite surprised with how automatic his reply was. See, Sehun is giving him a choice, a chance to consider whether or not he wants Sehun as his mate, but oddly enough, his response was automatic like an instinct or a fact that the younger should be aware of. 

Jongin deciphers hope in Sehun’s eyes, they allude to the sea reflecting the moonlight. The omega’s orbs also declare the slightest hint of sorrow and for some reason, the alpha knows that there is much more to that than the omega is letting out, as if that grief, that burden is being concealed by Sehun and he just accidentally let them out. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” The alpha found himself saying after seeing the moonlight in Sehun’s eyes faintly losing its glimmer like he was just about to crush his own hopes. “You are everything that I could ever ask for, even so much more than that.” He whispers, bearing his soul to Sehun. 

_ you are that deception that i’d always believe, _

_ and the words from your mouth are vows _

_ that i will hold onto—so tight _

_ as if my life depended on the lies you speak of _

_ because if i didn’t, _

_ if i let go, it would kill me _

Sehun could only hope that Jongin is true to his words...


	3. Chapter 3

“Sehun,” Minseok greets, seeming in a rush. His eyes are clouded with hesitance, brows furrowed conveying an emotion somewhat equivalent to anger and frustration.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” 

Without warning, Minseok dragged him out of the cafeteria. He looked at Baekhyun whose face shows bewilderment at their alpha friend’s odd behavior. 

What’s wrong? What’s going on? Sehun wanted to ask Minseok, but the other is relentlessly dragging him. As much as he wanted to scream at the other to stop and slow down, he does not know how to, as the alpha is hellbent on dragging him to wherever their destination was instead of telling him. 

They stopped in front of the army general’s manor. What are we doing in Jongin’s house? He has been to Jongin’s house only once and that is when the pack had a small gathering. 

Suddenly, a scream resounded in the air. Alarmed, Sehun snapped his head towards the direction of the manor, his heart thumping in anxiety. That’s Jongin! He realized and immediately, he bolted towards the building. His legs ran as if they had a mind of their own. Without knowing the blueprint of the house, Sehun navigated his way inside using his instincts. 

“Sehun! Sehun! Wait, don’t go in there!” He could hear Minseok scream, but he did not mind the other for one bit. Sehun was determined to find Jongin, to know why he sounds so distressed. The omega made a turn in the hallway and his pace decreased seeing the number of people littering around a small corner. 

“The son of General Kim is inside. He came just two minutes ago… and he saw it, he saw everything.” Sehun heard someone murmur. Their hushed whispers ceased upon the sight of him, but their eyes told what their mouths refused to speak. The message was unclear, but Sehun could make out looks of pity, disdain, and anger. 

“How dare you betray my father?!” Sehun, once again, heard Jongin scream. Without so much as a second thought, the omega bolted for the door. 

“Jongin,” he mouths, eyeing Jongin’s dangerous stance. His shoulders are tensed. The alpha’s stance is threatening and Sehun could tell the havoc Jongin could wreck once all his self-control snaps. His arrival came unnoticed by the two persons inside the room. The alpha’s back is against the door, he looms over someone like a wolf waiting to pounce on a rabbit. 

“Jongin, how could you accuse me of something like that? Your father is my friend! I would never betray him,” the other voice bellowed, and it sounded familiar. Seeming angered by the response, Jongin came down for that person’s neck, allowing Sehun to catch a glimpse. 

Father

He gasped at the sight of his father on the floor, mouth bloodied and eyes almost shutting down. Sehun ran towards them when Jongin raised a fist, aiming it towards his father. The omega threw his body in front of his father, shielding him from Jongin’s blows. 

“What are you doing, Sehun?!” The younger alpha demanded, fist frozen mid-punch. His eyes watered after seeing his father up close. The omega faced Jongin with tears streaming endlessly and still on his knees, he went in front of the younger alpha. 

“Jongin, stop. Please stop,” he signed. He felt ashamed with how pathetic he looks right now. Sehun could not even voice out his pleas properly. 

“Get away from him, Sehun!” Jongin ordered, pulling Sehun up, but the omega was persistent. “He betrayed my father!”

That’s not true! Sehun countered in his head, but without his voice, the omega could not properly defend his father and all he could do is to shake his head in denial. 

“What—” Jongin sputtered in disbelief. “You don’t believe me?! My father is in the hospital right now because of that traitor. He stabbed my father, Sehun! That monster almost killed my father!” 

“Don’t believe him, son!” His father weakly whimpered, drops of blood oozing out from the various cutes around his skin. “You know that I would never, I could neve—” Oh Jinki coughed and winced right after. His hand clutched the area below the ribs tightly. The omega reached for his father’s cheeks, caressing it softly in comfort. 

Sehun faced Jongin whose face is contorted in anger. He lowers himself even more, showing his submission. “He didn’t do it, Jongin. Please.” He signs, crying in desperation. The omega reaches to hold Jongin’s hands, but the alpha pulled away. 

“You—How dare you side with that traitor?” Sehun wails even more. His father is innocent. Why can’t Jongin believe that?! 

“Guards!” Jongin called with his eyes still on Sehun. “Get Oh Jinri and lock them up together in a cell.” 

_“As long as I am here, I will always protect you. Remember that.”_

Jongin's words play like a broken record.

my ink bleeds your name

as i write promises—

empty and forgotten ones

in the burning paper of our memories

* * *

For hours, Sehun had to endure watching his father getting beaten and practically tortured. It was frustrating—to say the least—how he couldn’t even do anything. Tightly bound to a chair, Sehun could only cry and beg voicelessly. 

He is innocent. _ Please, stop this! Let us go. Jongin. Jongin. Where are you? _

“You are a tough one, aren’t you?” Hyunki, the biggest of the three abusers taunted, spitting on his father. All of them were already sweating bullets from the amount of physical effort they had to exert to make Oh Jaehyuk confess his alleged betrayal. 

“Say,” Sogeun, another one of the three, sauntered around his father, leering deviously with eyes full of contempt and malice. “What will you do… if we include your little omega son in our game?”

Sehun eyes snapped, heart pounding hard and rapid against his chest. His throat tightened with what he had heard. Unconsciously, he pushed himself closer to the back of the chair, wanting to hide, to appear smaller. 

“No!” His father countered. Albeit the firmness of his voice, Sehun could make out the clouded gaze on his father’s eyes as if his greatest nightmare as appeared in front of him. “No! No, you can’t do that! He doesn’t know anything!”

“Oops, too bad!” Hankyung chimed in a delighted voice. “C’mon, Soogeun, today’s your lucky day!” The said man smirked at Sehun before trudging towards a large, square object concealed by a cloth. Proudly, the man pulled the covers revealing a glass box.

“You can’t use that! It’s illegal!” Sehun’s father screamed, thrashing around despite the little strength he had left. The omega furrowed his brows, anxiety coursing through him. The uncertainty of what is going to happen to him, to his family makes him want to upchuck all that he has eaten since yesterday. 

Suddenly, the man named Sogeun grabbed him harshly and pushed him inside the glass box. He panicked when they locked him in. Sehun tried to push the glass door open, each push stronger than the last, but the glass did not even tremble leaving him drained and frustrated. 

“No, no, no, no!” The omega chants voicelessly. Hankyung and Hyunki are dragging his father away. 

“Sehun! No! Let me go!” His father desperately tried to pry the tight grip on his arms, but his cries were futile. They shut the door close and Sehun could no longer hear his father anymore. 

Minutes went by but the object of his misery is still proudly intact. He bangs it with his fist, and he could feel the slight vibration of his cage. It resounds, mocking him about how powerless he is compared to an inanimate object. 

“Don’t worry, little omega. Your father will stay in the other room.” Sogeun said in a saccharine voice and yet, his eyes are menacing. Sehun went cold, hands trembling and tears flowing endlessly. 

“My friends will be playing a game with your father, and you,” Sogeun trailed “will take the punishment if he says the wrong answer.”

Confusion was instantly replaced with pain when he felt a thousand tiny needles assaulting his skin in one go. His muscles contracted tightly then they are gone altogether, and he is left with trembling limbs and a weakened state. 

“Shock waves,” Sogeun informed, a grin concealing the evil within him. 

“You really are a tough one, but we still have a few tricks up our sleeves.” 

Oh Jaehyuk glanced at his son worriedly, locked and almost lifeless in that damned glass cage. He doesn’t know how much more can Sehun endure. “Let. Him. Go.”

“Confess! It’s simple. Get it in your dumb brain, Oh Jaehyuk! You were holding the fucking knife!” Hakyung banged his fist on the table.

“I told you! I didn’t do it!” 

“Then watch your pretty omega son suffer.”

Oh Jaehyuk’s eyes widened in horror as white smoke filled the glass cage. He could see his son panicking, banging the glass door. The alpha could hear his son’s pleas.

He struggled for freedom. Desperately, Jaehyuk tried to free himself from the metal chain binding him to his chair. 

At this point, the only thing he could do is to cry silently. Jaehyuk prays for the goddess to save Sehun. He wishes that someone would come… that _ he _ would come for Sehun. 

Oh Jaehyuk knows, of course. How could he not?

_ What’s happening? _

White smoke suddenly permeated his glass prison. The air around him is becoming warm and heavy. Filling his lungs with air and breathing suddenly became a chore. He gasps, little by little he felt suffocated. 

_ Is this how he ends? _

Sehun clawed weakly at his throat, coughing between every breath. His throat is constricting and he feels like he is trapped in a room where the walls are closing up on him. The omega struggle to breathe—he wants to live and fight, but life is slowly leaving his body. His arms give up, sending his body crashing on the floor with a muffled thud. 

Almost lifeless and at the brink of unconsciousness, it is such an irony how Sehun could still sense the tears flowing from his eyes. He grieves, death is something that he doesn’t give much thought about. The omega doesn’t fear it. He mourns for the things that he wouldn’t be able to do, for the people he would leave behind, and for the future he wouldn’t be able to have. 

_ It’s okay, Sehun. You did well. _ He tries to console himself. 

Closing his eyes seems to be the only thing that would give him comfort. The drumming of his heartbeat is slow but the pressure against his chest each time it pounds is painful. He wants the pounding to stop. His pain would end if it stops.

“Jongin, I love you… Can you hear me?” 

Slowly, coldness and emptiness enveloped his body. _ It’s okay. It will be over soon. _Sehun waits, every second becoming the same as eternity. 

He flutters his eyes close, waiting for darkness to consume him. Sehun’s consciousness to his surroundings is slowly weakening as the hollowness in his chest becomes more prominent the longer he waits. 

Just as he was about to give in to the call of the darkness. He could feel someone pulling him out harshly. Someone was pumping on his chest harshly. “S-Sehun!”

“Please live, come back to me. Please.” A voice whispered brokenly, urging him to breathe, but as much as he wants to, he couldn’t. 

He could feel droplets, something like rain, wetting his cheeks before a pair of soft lips caged his cold and cracked ones, blowing air into his mouth. Air rushed in and he inhaled all that he could. 

“Don’t go. Stay… I need you. Please, Sehun. Please.”

“Jongin,” he croaks, lips making the smallest movement. 

“Oh, gods,” Jongin whispers and then the similar pair of lips crashed on his again, more air rushed through. “You’re alive. My love, thank you for coming back.” 

* * *

Jongin woke up with his hands grasping his throat tightly. He is panting and his sheets felt like sandpaper against his skin. The darkness of the room feels suffocating. 

“Jongin, I love you… Can you hear me?”

A voice filtered through the air, alerting Jongin. “Who are you?” He screams in urgency. For some unknown reason, he felt the strongest urge to find the owner of the voice, almost to the point of desperation. His heart is clenching in pain. The pain is akin to the sensation of being stabbed slowly by a blunt knife. It’s ripping him open. 

He bolts out of his room. The wooden floor feels cold against the soles of his feet, but he gives no attention to it. Jongin’s heart pounds loudly, his limbs are trembling but he continues running. 

“Jongin, please…” The voice sounds as beautiful as the night sky. It is a cacophony of angels singing in harmony with their instruments. For a moment, in spite of the chaos, he feels at peace. 

“Where are you?!” He screams, tears clouding his vision. The crumbling pain in his chest is spreading like wildfire in his entire being, weakening him. Nails are digging in his palm with how tight his fists are clenched, but he has to hold onto something or else he would fall on his knees. 

Jongin is sprinting. He doesn’t know where, but he knows this is the way to where he wants to go then he screams, a stinging pain enveloped his entire being. He clutches on his wrist, eyes widening upon noticing something. 

“Jongin, I love you… Can you hear me?”

The alpha falls to the ground in surprise. “No, this can’t be. No, Sehun!” He cries, scrambling back to his feet and running towards Sehun, his mate, his omega.

* * *

Days passed and Sehun’s condition hasn’t improved. The seconds stretch as if they last for an eternity. Jongin feels helpless. The doctors are telling them that Sehun will survive, but at this point their words felt like a lie covered in honey to placate him. 

People have been asking him to go home and take a rest, but knowing Sehun is in this condition, rest would only be futile. All of them have convinced him: his father, Sehun’s friends, and even the omega’s parents. 

He remembers how he kneeled in front of them to beg for their forgiveness. The culprit has been found: it was a hired-assassin dressed up as one of the guards. The same reason why the guards didn’t see anything when Oh Jaehyuk claimed that the culprit jumped out of the window because the guards thought that the perpetrator was one of them. 

Up to this day, Jongin still couldn’t look at them in they eyes out of shame. He couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror, for each day that Sehun remains unconscious is another day that Jongin is reminded how much he has failed his mate—the very person he should protect with his entire being.

Jongin registers the warmth of the sun before its light. He keeps his eyes closed, there is a hand stroking his hair with feather-light touches. The alpha recognizes these touches, knows whom they are from, so he falls in a deeper sleep, enjoying the comfort and the warmth of the other’s presence.  _ Sehun. _

Then he remembers, and as if he has been hit with lightning, he opens his eyes and sits upright. He deciphers Sehun’s face, a smile is decorating his thin lips. Jongin wonders if the warmth he felt before really did come from the sun. His gaze falls to their entwined hands—

Jongin’s heart stops. 

“S-Sehun, what are you doing here? You are supposed to be in the hospital!” He reprimanded then a burn settles right in the middle of his chest, his heart is pounding loudly, recalling that memory of Sehun’s doctor assuring him that Sehun would survive, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel assured. He hopes he is wrong, but he just couldn’t believe the doctor’s words. 

Sehun offers him a tight smile before averting his gaze elsewhere. The hand on his offered him a light squeeze. “Jongin,” Sehun calls, lips producing a voice, and the alpha’s heart breaks because it just means that this isn’t real, that this is just a fleeting dream. He takes a deep breath, finding solace at the sound of his mate’s voice. He squeezes Sehun’s hand back. 

“Whatever happens, Jongin. I want you to be happy, okay?” Jongin shakes his head violently. He knows what this is. He has heard so many stories like this. The alpha feels Sehun’s hand leave his and he immediately panics. The omega moves swiftly, settling himself in front of Jongin—straddling him. Automatically, Jongin’s hand fly to Sehun’s hips for support and there is nothing else that Jongin wants more than to pull him closer, to hold him longer. 

“You will always be the brightest star for me, Jongin. Always remember that, and if something happens to me—”

“No,” Jongin growled lowly. 

“Jongin, listen to me. It could happen, and if it did, what would you do?” 

“I’ll follow you… and I would do the things we weren’t able to experience in this life. I would court you, bring you flowers, and make you fall in love with me everyday.” 

Sehun remains silent.

“So please, fight. Fight for me. Fight for us,” Jongin whispered, he can taste his tears, they remind him of misery, desperation, and heartbreak. The alpha drops his forehead against the other and closes the distance between their lips. Sehun gasps, and Jongin shuts his eyes close, shuts it tightly. He wishes they could stay like this forever, wishes that this feeling would last forever. 

And in that moment, despite the imminent heartbreak that is about to knock on his door, Jongin finds peace. He inhales Sehun’s scent and it covers him like a blanket. His thoughts are muddled by Sehun, Sehun, Sehun, but the part of his brain that is the most sane wonders if anything could ever be better than this, if anything could ever come close to what he feels at that moment. 

A tear drops on his lips. Jongin opens his eyes and stares at the sight of Sehun’s tears flowing uncontrollably. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

The alpha’s heart stops. 

Everything’s a blur after that dream. Jongin could vaguely recall waking up with tears streaming down his face then he runs, bolts out of the door. He regrets ever listening to his mother. She told him that he needs to go home, that they will be there to look after Sehun. 

There is a crowd gathered in front of Sehun’s room. His mother spots him and like him, there are also tears in her eyes. She attempts to pull him closer, but he steps back. He doesn’t need that right now. He needs to know that Sehun is okay. He needs to see him. 

Jongin needs Sehun. 

He remembers seeing the doctors trying to revive Sehun, two hands pumping aggressively on his chest, but Sehun remains unmoving, the flat line is still there. Jongin breaks down and falls on his knees. He screams, but he couldn’t hear his own voice. 

The alpha hears a static, however then everything goes silent. 

The next time that Jongin wakes up, he sees the white ceiling above him. “Sehun,” he whispers weakly then a hand lands on his cheeks. His vision registers his mother, smiling at him. “Your mate is fine. He made it, Jongin.”

That was all that he needed before falling back into a deep sleep. 

The next hurdle doesn’t come until a few months after. Sehun still hasn’t showed any signs of waking up. Jongin could tell that everyone is getting impatient and already losing hope. Anger surges through him, how dare they doubt Sehun?

His mate is there and still fighting for his life. Frankly? He doesn’t even care about how long he would have to wait to have Sehun in his arms again. Hell, he would wait until the end of his days. Because in the end Sehun is worth the wait, and he will wait even if it takes forever. 

“Mr. Kim,” Sehun’s doctor approached him and his mother remains by his side, watching their exchange. She listens eagerly as well because even if he hasn’t met Sehun personally, the way that Jongin would crumble and live for the young omega is enough to tell her that he is a wonderful person. 

“I have no better way to say this, but Mr. Oh still isn’t waking up. It is a protocol to suggest removing him from his life supp—”

His mother gasps. 

In a flash, Jongin has managed to slam the doctor on the wall, hands closing on the doctor’s neck. Anger—no,  _ rage _ . Rage is building up inside him like a flame roaring in the night sky. He drops the man on the ground. The doctor is writing on the ground, clutching at his throat and breathing heavily. 

“Say that one more fucking time and I’ll make it my personal mission to end you.” 

Later on, his mother finds him crying inside his car. She pulls him out and hugs him tightly. “How could they give up on Sehun just like that?” His voice is thick, filled with tears. 

“Shhh,” his mother hushes, caressing his back lightly and cajoling him to breathe properly. 

“Do you,” Jongin stops because if his mother thinks like that as well, if she thinks about giving up on Sehun—no, he refuses to think about it. 

“No, I am not like that, Jongin. He will fight for you. Trust him, okay?” Jongin nods, pulling his mother. 

_ I trust you, Sehun. Come back to me, please.  _ He whispers to the wind, hoping that it would relay his message to Sehun.

* * *

Hope could be one’s friend or enemy. It could make or break you. 

Today marks the sixth month. Sehun has been asleep for six months. His heart clenches. 

Jongin has a blank stare in his eyes, almost as if he was in a trance. Emptiness is an irony. He feels nothing on the inside, but the void is so palpable and heavy that each breath carries the weight of a thousand tons. 

His gaze fleets towards his wrist and he could physically feel the drag of each inhale and exhale. “Jongin, I love you… Can you hear me?” The alpha harshly brushes his thumb over his inked wrist. 

How could he live his life with a painful reminder like this? 

How could he forgive himself knowing that Sehun, his mate, almost died because of his stupidity?

The harsh strokes became even more aggressive that he didn’t even notice that he was already scraping his skin with his nails. Some of the scratch lines have broken through his skin, he was bleeding with both small and deep cuts. “I am sorry. I am so sorry. Please, please, please,” Jongin chants repeatedly, hoping the words would disappear or that he would wake up from this nightmare. 

“Sehun,” he cries, his tears were flowing unceasingly. “I am so sorry,” he choked. 

His world is crumbling right before his own eyes. The sky is without the moon. He stares at Sehun’s figure lying unconsciously before him, surrounded by machines beeping rhythmically, giving Jongin hope and a little bit of comfort that Sehun is still here. Jongin doesn’t dwell or even consider the possibility, the questions running in his mind. 

_ What if he found Sehun just a second later? _ He closes his eyes. No, he is not going to think about that. 

Jongin is suffocating in that room. It is as if the walls are closing and the room is becoming narrower each day, but even after going out of Sehun’s room, he still carries with him the same burden. He stares at the night sky hoping to find comfort in the room, for they are, after all, creatures of the night.

He takes a deep breath to calm his inner wolf then he stumbles, heart clenching and limbs weakening. Jongin immediately knows the reason: Sehun. The alpha runs, his head is pounding from all the bright lights and the white paint. He runs faster, not caring about all the people he crashed into along the way. 

_ What if… _

Jongin immediately vanquishes that thought. 

That thought alone had him trembling in fear. 

_ Sehun’s alive. He’ll be okay. _

Haphazardly, he flings the door open. Altogether, his heart and breathing came to a halt. 

Sehun is awake. 

He has to tighten his grip at the door or his strength would betray him. His father and Sehun’s parents are inside, but in this moment, they seem nonexistent. 

Jongin could barely make out his father clasping him tight on the shoulders or Sehun’s father whispering “make him happy” before going out. As if on trance, eyes clouded and on the verge of tears, he walks closer to Sehun. 

“Hi,” Sehun whispers through their bond and Jongin couldn’t stop the tears escaping from his ducts. He bends his knees, settling at the side of Sehun’s bed to hold his hand. 

_ This is real. He is alive. Sehun’s here. _

“Your voice is as beautiful as you are, Sehun.” He cries, kissing Sehun’s knuckles lightly. 

“You… can hear me, right? I am not dreaming?” The omega asked and Jongin could only close his eyes at the sound of Sehun’s voice.

_ Jongin, I love you… Can you hear me? _

“I hear you…” His throat tightens while looking straight at Sehun’s eyes. “I am sorry I couldn’t do it any sooner. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Thank you,” he chokes, “thank you for coming back.”

_ Jongin, I love you… Can you hear me? _

“Stop crying, please.” Jongin whispers, rising to his feet to wipe Sehun’s tears, but they seem endless. The alpha drops his forehead to his mate, cupping his cheeks and staring directly at Sehun’s eyes. _ Stop crying, please. _ He begs through their bond. 

“Look at me, Sehun,” he tried to cajole, cupping the omega’s cheeks to urge him to look at him. “Thank you for coming back... “ Jongin whispers, voice breaking at the last syllable. 

Suddenly, Sehun pulled him closer rendering Jongin’s lips crashing into his. The omega gasps and on instinct, Jongin moves his lips tentatively before pulling away. Stars exploded into infinitesimal dust. He was ablaze, but he is not burning. There is something about how perfect their lips mold with each other that brings about chaos and calm in his system. 

His heart is beating loudly and it’s almost impossible for Sehun not to hear it. The omega places his hand on top of Jongin’s heart and for some unknown reason, his heart rate slowed down. Jongin thinks that what he felt could be compared to the calmness of the sea. 

The smile that Sehun gives him is almost blinding like the sun has enveloped and provided him an eternal sunshine. He basks in the way that Sehun’s beauty glows, the way his eyes are kind and bright, or the way that his skin shines and reflects the sunlight. 

_Besarte es como ver las estrellas_

His gaze fleets to Sehun’s lips and smiles fondly upon remembering something. “I was wrong,” he says, staring directly at the omega’s eyes.

“To kiss you isn't just like seeing the stars. Kissing you is like drowning and breathing at the same time. The feel of your lips against mine is finding serenity in the middle of the storm. To have you in my arms frightens me because I fear that I might never be able to let you go. You are my life, my happiness, and my future. I am so glad I found you."

_you are the sun in its shining glory, not too bright nor too hot. just gleaming but never blinding, warm but not enough to burn. you are the moon, calming and serene, enchanting like a charm and indulging like a mystery waiting to be solved. the safe haven amidst the prevailing darkness. you are all of the stars in the night sky, twinkling like diamonds in your eyes, the most precious one in existence. the beauty decorating a plain vast void._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry for my shortcomings in this fic :( This is actually just half of the original plot I planned and the latter half would give:  
a) more justice to Sehun's sufferings  
b) Jongin a taste of his own medicine
> 
> The ending also seems a bit rushed because classes have already started and I didn't expect the workload to be this heavy already :( I promise to write the second half in the near future. I'm so sorry :( 
> 
> THE ENDING IS REALLY RUSHED, GUYS :( 
> 
> Also, in the first part of the fic where Sehun signed "mates?" that is actually the sign for "married?", but I used it in the context of this fic given that mates = married, if I'm right, hehe. 
> 
> Thank you to those who will read this! What else? 
> 
> Besarte es como ver las estrellas = to kiss you is like seeing the stars
> 
> ALL HAIL SEKAI! Happy94sDay!


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